An Adelaide rocket scientist who called police to report thieves were trying to break into his home and steal his cannabis plants wound up getting arrested himself
The lovely Feòrag sent me an amusing story this morning. It seems that having obnoxiously plastered their flag everywhere, Americans are upset to note that Canadians have a flag too and that they are sporting it to avoid being mistaken for Americans.
Canadians should be careful not to appear
boastfulto Americans, who are insecure because of the war in Iraq and admit they are annoyed by northerners showing off the red maple leaf on their luggage when they travel…
A country that wraps everything in the flag, to the point of condemning their own countrymen as unAmerican if they dare to suggest that slapping the American flag on a toilet seat cover may be just a tad tacky, dare to have a go at their neighbours for using a sticker on their luggage. You have the laugh at the double standards. Funnier still that it has taken them this long to notice the maple leaf on Canadian luggage.
Unfortunately Americans have a well-earned reputation as obnoxious tourists, even within their own country. They are loud and opinionated, and while sometimes they have every right to be, mostly they just embarrass themselves, those around them and generate some really bad karma that is likely to bite the next unfortunate American tourist who follows along in their wake.
At one point my cousin was conducting tour groups where you take a bunch of tourists on a 4WD type bus, bounce them through the bush and point out interesting things. She used to bring back stories of US tourists that always made me wonder why they travelled abroad and how they survived to adulthood.
One particular pair, we’ll call them George and Martha, highlighted the closemindedness that is a frequent complaint of the breed known as the ugly American. The object being pointed out was a Banksia, a tree with particularly large and hideous seed pods. Instead of listening to the tour guide, George loudly informed Martha, and the entire bus, that the tree had a tumour. No amount of explanation to the contrary was to be entertained. No doubt, George and Martha’s friends and family back home now believe the Australian bush is full of trees with tumours.
It’s travellers like the loud and ignorant George and Martha who have forced Canadians to arm themselves against pissed off tour guides and harrassed foreign citizens. Even the cannier US travellers will pretend to be Canadian when abroad to avoid being mistaken for the ill mannered morons who have sullied the name of their country with their appalling behaviour whilst overseas.
When you’re overseas, you’re not just on holiday, you’re also an ambassador for your country. If you behave like a complete wanker, the people you deal with are going to believe that your behaviour is an example of how you would behave at home and be very wary of dealing with your countrymen in the future. So don’t be surprised if your neighbours are just as embarrassed by your behaviour in public and take steps to be recognised as Canadians.
Cab Elvis lives! And so do any other Seattle cab drivers who want to trade their black slacks and crisp shirts for costumes. The Seattle City Council approved an ordinance allowing cabdrivers to hit the road dressed like Santa Claus, Superman or whatever strikes their fancy, as long the costume is approved by their cab companies
Shalom Gelbman is in trouble with the local cops after making a few small errors in judgment — he was impersonating a police officer; pulling someone over for a traffic offence; the someone happened to be an off-duty state trooper
A naked, samurai sword-wielding martial arts expert screaming, ‘I’m god! I’m immortal’, hacked his wife to death in a blood-soaked Bronx rampage. When the madman lunged at police, one cop fired 14 shots — bringing down the suspect but also hitting her partner twice. The cop’s vest stopped one bullet from hitting his chest, though another slug penetrated his knee — via Die Puny Humans
When officer Jason Zier pulled over a 1992 Mazda 626 on Thursday afternoon, the vehicle’s registration had expired. By the time he’d finished writing up Sean Leach for the infraction, the car was legal again. That’s because the 36-year-old Jersey City man had a mobile, a friend with a computer who he could reach and the foresight to use the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission’s online registration service. Leach’s ingenuity did not save him from getting a ticket, but it did keep him from having his car towed and getting socked with the towing bill
A French hunter was shot by his dog after he left a loaded shotgun in the trunk of his car with two dogs and one of the animals accidentally stepped on the trigger
Two robbers left a German taxi driver glued to his steering wheel before running off with €300
The Fairfax run MyCareer site ran an amusing ad yesterday looking for an Opposition Leader: ‘The successful applicant for this excellent short-term executive position must be thick skinned, opinionated and willing to be stabbed in the back. Prior experience in this type of role, including head-kicking and some leadership skills an advantage, though not mandatory. This bright and energetic role model will receive a generous package that includes travel at taxpayer’s expense with the unlikely possibility of promotion in the near future. For immediate start, prefer debater with knack for circular arguments. Previous applicants will be considered.’ Mark Latham won and has immediately followed the tried and true Labor approach of toadying up to Howard
An 80-year-old woman used a ceremonial sword to successfully fight off two six-foot raiders who burst into her home. Angina sufferer Jean Freke grabbed the sword from the wall in her drawing-room after she was pushed to the ground. The widow wrestled with one of the burglars and brandished the weapon at the other — via Die Puny Humans
A masked man who robbed a Modesto bank Monday forgot to cut eye holes into his disguise, occasionally lifting up a corner of the flannel cloth to see his feet as he fumbled his way through the heist, and crashing into the Oak Valley Community Bank’s steel door frame on the way out. And yet despite his stupidity, he still managed to get away
Some relative of the family passed away today causing much confusion. The first confusing episode was caused by the highly unimaginative Italian tradition of naming sons and and daughters after dads and mums. It took my mum almost two hours and 20 phone calls to figure out which Stella Something-or-other died. It’d have been much quicker to have photos with a name on the back sent out to respective family members via carrier pigeons.
The second part of the who died saga, was how to discern what responsibilities certain family members have now. For example, an Italian tradition is to basically have a house/place open for three days where other distant family members can come to pay their respects, or hold crying competitions. These gatherings of course, need to have food available, sometimes even a full blown dinner. Yes, I know any excuse for a feast. My mum and an aunt were very confused as to whether they needed to provide the food or not, the social standing with this particular deceased relative was very much in the grey area apparently.
Every Italian family does however have an oracle to consult in situations like these, an Italian Yoda if you will (normally female), and I’m sure my aunt Yoda has steered my mum in the socially responsible, and acceptable direction.
Now how much to spend on the flowers is a totally different thing altogether…
Gertrude Jones didn’t want flowers or cards when she died. She wanted to get rid of the retarded monkey boy. The 81-year-old woman’s obituary asked that memorial donations be given to any organisation that seeks the removal of President Bush from office
. And people across the country are following her wishes
McDonald’s misunderstands the nature of dictionaries: that is, to observe the language as it is spoken and to document it. McDonald’s is up in arms over Merriam-Webster’s inclusion of ‘McJob‘ — a low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement — in its current edition and has, naturally, trumped up a completely groundless trademark claim to back this up. Trademarks don’t let you control how people speak — they only allow you to stop other commercial outfits from confusing your customers; certainly, they don’t give you the power to stop the reporting of the fact that English speakers use ‘McJob’ to describe a crappy job. Interesting to note that Merriam-Webster later caved in to the bully boys and pulled ‘McJobs’ from the list of examples of new words added to the dictionary
I was wandering through the hallowed halls of the Pagan Prattle today and ran across an old article. It was about some loony fundamentalist in New Mexico indulging in that favourite pastime of all nut cases who wish to keep their flock in the dark — book burning. While Harry Potter was the draw card, Stephen King, Eminem, AC/DC and Snow White were also rubbing shoulders on the pyre.
While the story wasn’t news to me, it had featured locally about the same time, the comments it attracted were fascinating.
It seems the title of the post is a magnet for fuckwits from both sides of the camp. Some of them were rabid enough to have required a stern pointing and laughing at by Feòrag, which is always amusing, but most of the mouth breathers proved too stupid to get the humour.
All you can really hope is that the worst offenders are too busy leaving inane comments on web sites that they don’t get around to passing their wit and intelligence onto another generation.
Found an addictive little interactive Java toy via HogBlog. Tease the plague of flea, you know you want to…
Interesting, and very wiggly, fake stereoscopic photos using animated GIFs to rapidly switch between left and right images.
Jon Bower has some great portraits of Japanese non-conformists at Meiji Jingu subway.
Hilarious story about an experiment in which a San Francisco Bay Area 5th grade class listens to Radiohead, then draws what they hear. Some of the resulting images look like they could pass for actual Radiohead album covers.
And who can resist the lads of Thailand who get down with their funky selves by sticking unusual objects through their cheeks.
Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News Channel threatened to sue the makers of the Simpsons over a spoof news ticker. The show’s creator Matt Groening said Fox News raised the unlikely prospect of suing a show broadcast by its sister channel, Fox Entertainment, because it wanted to stop the Simpsons parodying its famously anti-Democratic party agenda
The Pagan Prattle found an auction for a vampire-killing kit complete with a wooden stake and ten silver bullets that recently sold for US$12,000. The kit, a walnut box that also contained a crucifix, a pistol, a rosary and vessels for garlic powder and various serums, was bought by an anonymous phone bidder.
Proving that there’s an online store for everyone:
Some brains are just naturally better, juicier, and formerly smarter than others, and we’ve got them at Brains4Zombies.com. We sell only the highest quality fresh brains, delivered straight to your door. We do the dirty deed so you can spend more time… well… doing whatever the hell it is you zombies do when you’re not ripping open people’s heads.
Next time you’re stuck at some boring gathering, rather than gnawing your arm off to escape, taste a stab at some paper plate origami.Next time you’re stuck at some boring gathering, rather than gnawing your arm off to escape, taste a stab at some paper plate origami. And if you really want to get into the plate folding groove, there’s a couple of books; The Geometry of Wholemovement for the adults and The Hands-On Marvelous Ball Book for the sprogs.
Everyone is going hi-tech these days, so why not take advantage and book a visit from the Stool Fairy.
While not actually selling anything, an enterprising Russian has assembled a massive list of screen shots from video games featuring toilets — from Alien vs Predator to X-Com 3.
And what says Tupperware more than a drag queen in 50s housewife regalia… a second Tupperware drag queen
A Chinese martial arts expert, known as ‘the doctor‘ for his practice of acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine, turned the tables on four burglars armed with knives, killing two of them and seriously wounding a third
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