Teller has an interesting article about his search for Donna Delbert, a legendary fire eater from the 40s. Rumored to be the American widow of a British tank gunner killed in the Normandy invasion, she was actually Delbert Hill, a male PFC gone AWOL from the USAF
A South African farmer and three others have been charged with murder, accused of feeding an ex-worker to lions, after police found a human skull and pieces of a leg in a lion enclosure — via Die Puny Humans
A British-based company is selling MP3 players which can be attached to an assault rifle. The AK-MP3
player is built into the ammunition clip of a Kalashnikov. It can be swapped with the real magazine carrying bullets and inserted into the weapon. The device is being advertised on the internet by a Buckinghamshire-based company set up by a group of Russian businessmen who sell audio books. It comes with enough storage space to hold 3,000 audio books or 9,000 songs — via Die Puny Humans
When a 40-year old British woman set off a metal detector alarm at Athens airport, bemused security staff found that it was caused by a chastity belt she was wearing
Three livestock exhibitors at last year’s Ohio State Fair have been disqualified for allegedly outfitting their Holstein cows with hairpieces. State Fair inspectors said the three glued or painted hair from another part of the animal or from another animal to create straighter backs on the cows and enhance their appearance in the show ring
A Thai man was mauled when he drunkenly tried to sexually attack a dog that fiercely resisted his advances. The bloodied man was questioned by police after residents notified local authorities when they saw him walking along a road. He told police he noticed a brown female stray dog wagging its tail and acting sexy
and pulled it into some tall grass by the roadside. But the dog resisted, biting him on his face, chest and arms before he gave up his attempt and tried to stagger home. Under further questioning he admitted to raping three dogs previously while he was under the influence of alcohol. He told police he always became aroused when he drank heavily but did not have enough money to pay a prostitute — via Die Puny Humans
The decomposing remains of a 60-tonne sperm whale exploded on a busy street in Taiwan, showering cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours
If you’ve been wondering what Ray Martin’s hair has been up to recently, it appears to have pushed for a career in politics by attaching itself to John Kerry’s head.
Warren Ellis describes it as; It’s my hair. I killed it, I cut its little arms and legs off, I nailed it to my head. Mine
.
Professor Shaviro explains why electing Ray’s hair would not be a good idea.
David Hasselhoff has claimed partial responsibility for the fall of the Berlin Wall. Claiming that in 1989, the year the wall fell, he had helped reunite the country by singing his song Looking for Freedom
among millions of German fans at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin… I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Check-Point Charlie
As it’s the Australia Day long weekend and the vast majority of us will shortly decend into a three day drunk, it’s time to share the Australian Manifesto with the world before the keyboard starts to get blurry:
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many States.
First, there’s Victoria, named after a queen who didn’t believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that
it’s liveable. At least that’s what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.Next, there’s NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can’t seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It’s main claim to fame is that it doesn’t have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way to Bali.
And there’s Queensland. While any mention of god seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that god probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes and there’s Canberra. The less said the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we’re whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants…
We want to make
no worries mateour national phrase,she’ll be right mateour national attitude andWaltzing Matildaour national anthem (so what if it’s about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who’s winning.
And we’re the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing.
We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk.
Stand proud Aussies — we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australian!
We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our national coat of arms. No other country has this distinction!
I’d love to know the origin of this, seems a shame to not be able to give it due credit.
A Washington man’s apartment-sitter wrapped everything he owned in aluminium foil while he was away:
A lone book titled Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends was untouched.
But nearly everything else in Chris Kirk’s downtown Olympia apartment was encased in aluminum foil when he returned home Monday night from a trip to Los Angeles.
The walls, ceiling, cabinets and everything in between now shimmer with a metallic glow, thanks to a prank by Kirk’s longtime friend, Olympia native Luke Trerice.
If that prank doesn’t float your boat there’s always the teenage pranksters who are hacking into the wireless frequency of a US Burger King drive-through speaker to tell potential customers they are too fat for fast food.
As most self-respecting geeks know, Lego is currently searching for a new Master Builder to hold the enviable position of building with Lego all day and getting paid for the privilege. One applicant describes the nerve-wracking experience of going through the first-round interview. In the end Lego surprised everyone and selected three new Master Builders, including Nathan Sawaya, creator of the Han Solo Lego sculpture
A New Mexico couple returned home from a week-long vacation to find the legs of a dead man dangling from their ceiling. Carl Smith, 81, the former husband of the woman who lived in the home, was stuck in an air conditioner duct, cause of death has yet to be determined
Hardly looking metrosexual, a shocked and awed Lake Superior State University Word Banishment selection committee emerged from its spider hole with its annual List of Words Banished from the Queen’s English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness
The children of a cancer patient who donated his body for research are suing after their father’s embalmed head was found in a tool shed. It had been there for nearly eleven years. The head was among 150 pounds of human cadaver parts allegedly removed from the University of California-Davis medical centre by a former autopsy assistant
The night before the funeral, the family gathered at the undertakers for a final private farewell, when they heard the sound of his mobile ringing from within the sealed coffin. Several distressed members of the family had to leave the funeral home whilst staff rushed to remove the phone
Meghan Stapleton, a Santa hat-clad reporter for the NBC television station KTUU in Anchorage found her way into the national spotlight while taping a scene with a young reindeer named Blitzen at the Santa Claus House in North Pole. Seems the reindeer took a dislike to tacky feel good stories and tackled the silly bint on camera
No one expects to lose much sleep over it but, for the record, NASA has been sued by three men from Yemen for invading Mars. The three say they own the red planet, and claim they have documents to prove it.
We inherited the planet from our ancestors 3,000 years ago,
they told the weekly Arabic-language newspaper Al-Thawri, which published the report Thursday. Adam Ismail, Mustafa Khalil and Abdullah al-Umari filed the lawsuit in San’a, Yemen, and presented documents to the country’s prosecutor general which they say proves their claim. There was no word on whether they had paid the appropriate inheritance taxes.
The Ekip, a pita-bread-shaped, stubby-winged, wheel-less, unmanned ship that weighs in at 500 pounds. For more than two decades, engineers at a former Soviet aerospace plant have been toiling on a drone aircraft that looks a whole lot like a prop from Plan 9 From Outer Space
The entire town of Tortilla Flat, Arizona, is up for auction on eBay.
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO OWN YOUR OWN HISTORIC TOWN. TORTILLA FLAT IS ONE OF THE LAST REMNANTS OF THE OLD WEST. THE SCHOOL, GENERAL STORE, RESTAURANT, OLD TIME ICE CREAM & CANDY STORE AND THE POST OFFICE HAVE BEEN RESTORED OR REBUILT. TORTILLA FLAT IS LOCATED 18 MILES NORTH-EAST OF APACHE JUNCTION, ARIZONA ON HIGHWAY 88 AND IS THE ONLY SETTLEMENT BETWEEN THE ‘JUNCTION’ AND ROOSEVELT DAM, A DISTANCE OF 47 MILES. THE SETTLEMENT IS SITUATED IN THE VALLEY ALONG TORTILLA CREEK SURROUNDED BY THE MYSTERIOUS SUPERSTITION MOUNTAINS, THE LEGENDARY LOCATION OF THE LOST DUTCHMANS MINE. TO DRIVE TO TORTILLA FLAT IS TO PASS THROUGH SOME OF THE MOST SPECTACULAR SCENERY IN THE WORLD. TORTILLA FLAT’S FINE RESTAURANT, THE SUPERSTITION SALOON, IS FAMOUS FOR ITS KILLER CHILI, HUGE HALF-POUND COWBOY BURGERS AND HOME-COOKED MEXICAN FOOD. IT’S KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE WORLD AND REGULARLY VISITED NOT ONLY BY LOCAL RANCHERS, COWBOYS AND PROSPECTORS, BUT ALSO BY PEOPLE FROM SURROUNDING TOWNS AND TRAVELERS FROM ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES AS WELL AS THE WORLD. IT IS A DESTINATION PLACE FOR ARIZONA. YOU ARE PURCHASING ALL THE BUILDINGS/LAND IS LEASED FROM THE TONTO NATIONAL FOREST SERVICE CALL 1-888-299-6792 ASK FOR SHERRI PACK EXCULSIVE AGENT TO REQUEST ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.
The first order of business for the new owner will be to fix the busted shift-key on the town’s lone computer.
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