Chickens from Above

The lovely Feòrag reminded me about an amusing tale I read about in one of Murdoch’s propaganda rags last week.

A couple of houses in Newcastle have had roof tiles broken by chickens. The article above fails to mention that the chooks were both frozen and the houses only a mile apart.

With the second chicken, the cops gave up on the theory that the chickens had fallen from the external luggage locker of a passing light aircraft. I’m left wondering who carries a frozen chicken with them when flying, perhaps it’s common with Newcastle law enforcement.

The plods now think the chickens are being launched by someone with a giant rubber band. My mother favours a larger version of the DIY orange launcher. I reckon someone’s made themselves a trebuchet, mostly because I really like trebuchets.

I expect there’s more frozen chicken ordnance that was probably scoffed by the household dogs after impact or was assumed to be the work of kids. As there were only the two that incidents that damaged the roofs that were brought to the attention of the local constabulary.

A third chook has since landed, prompting the amusing quote from the homeowner: The cat found it first and he was pretty excited about it, but Police are still baffled.

They have managed to come up with an even dumber and more convoluted theory to explain the situation. This time a supermarket is dumping frozen chooks at the city dump and birds are carrying them off and dropping them in flight. Leaving aside the fact that the chooks are still quite well frozen from the time they leave the supermarket freezer to the time they land on the roof, we really don’t have birds big enough to cart off an entire frozen foul.

The cops up Newcastle way are looking decidedly silly over their crackpot ideas. It would be nice if they inverted the amount of energy they’ve expended in coming up with increasing stupid theories with actually looking for an answer, but I can’t see that happening until a chook lands on the bonnet of their Police cruiser.

ME Accused Of Staging Own Attack

A bizarre attack in 2002 left Dr OC Smith, a medical examiner in Shelby County, Tennessee, handcuffed to a window guard, wrapped in barbed wire and with a motion-sensitive bomb strapped to his chest. In an even stranger development, detectives concluded that the highly respected doctor faked his attack. He was arrested on charges of lying to federal authorities and illegally possessing a bomb — via Paul Mellen

Welsh Rugby Fan Cuts Off Testicles

A Welsh rugby fan cut off his own testicles to celebrate Wales beating England at rugby. Geoff Huish, 26, was so convinced England would win Saturday’s match he told fellow drinkers at a social club, If Wales win I’ll cut my balls off. Friends at the club in Caerphilly, south Wales, thought he was joking. But after the game Huish went home, severed his testicles with a knife, and walked 200 yards back to the bar with the testicles to show the shocked drinkers what he had done — via Warren Ellis

Burning Manure Pile

A 2,000 ton mound of cow manure in Nebraska has been burning continuously for three months, to the dismay of the Nebraska Department of Environmental Quality, which says the smoke is in violation of pollution laws. Apparently, the decomposing manure generated so much heat that it spontaneously combusted. And no one knows how to extinguish the fire. They don’t want to quench it with water because the manure will run off into nearby rivers — via BoingBoing

Not Quite Dead

Larry Green of Durham, North Carolina was sent to the morgue after he was hit by a car Monday night and declared dead. A few hours later, a medical examiner in the morgue unzipped the body bag and noticed that Green was breathing. He’s now in critical condition. The four paramedics who responded to the accident have been suspended with pay

Pentagon Planned Love Bomb

Newly declassified documents reveal that the Pentagon examined the possibility of developing an aphrodisiac bomb that would cause enemy troops to find one another sexually irresistible

Testicle Torn Off By Ex-Lover

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her former boyfriend, Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: That’s yours. Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it. Doctors were unable to reattach the organ — via Warren Ellis

Indoor Tropical Island

The huge construction dome of the now bankrupt zeppelin maker CargoLifter, has been turned into an indoor tropical island. For about €20 a day you can swim in the sea, take a walk in the rain forest or go to a beach party. While it is snowing outside, it’s a always a pleasant 25°C on the island. And there are no tsunamis. It’s bigger than Biosphere2 (it fits the Eiffel Tower) but there’s less sunlight. Would you spend your vacation in there? The Germans don’t seem to be very eager

Thieves Steal Bridge In New Zealand

Authorities in New Zealand’s South Island say thieves have dismantled and carried off most of a 30-metre long bridge. Large sections of the aluminium bridge were taken from a wetland reserve south-west of Dunedin. It had been installed with the aid of a helicopter. Authorities say the bridge pieces will probably be sold for scrap

German Paper Prints Only Good News On Xmas

Dropping its daily diet of stories on crime, corruption and evil wrongdoing, Germany’s top-selling Bild newspaper printed only good news in its Christmas issue. No parking tickets today — traffic wardens have day off! the newspaper with 12 million readers wrote. The paper turned a scandal involving the opposition Christian Democrats on its head, cheering a generous severance payment of 52,000 euros that the disgraced general secretary, Laurenz Meyer, received after quitting under pressure on Wednesday

Beer Bong Moron

A beer-thirsty Australian gentleman, inpatient with gravity, employed a mechanical contraption to rapidly deliver beer into his gullet using a pump powered by an electric drill. The device proved so effective that the high-pressure jet of beer shooting down his throat ripped a hole in his stomach. Authorities responded by warning people not to use high-pressure machines to drink beer this Christmas — via BoingBoing

Robbers Scared By GTA

Three gun-wielding brain donors tried to rob a woman who was minding her grandsons. The kids happened to be playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. The random police soundbites from the game were saying, Stop, we have you surrounded. This is the police. The burglars, unknowingly, thought this was the actual police, panicked and ran away. The silly buggers were all caught

Bow And Arrows Used To Smuggle Mobile Phones Into Prison

A man has been arrested outside a Swedish high-security prison after shooting mobile phones into the prison yard with a bow and arrow. The man arrested outside the Norrtaelje prison is believed to have shot as many as five mobile phones over the prison wall. Three arrows were found in the yard, with two phones and a battery charger taped to the arrows