Weird

A British man was being treated for shock on Wednesday after he fell from a ladder while pruning trees, accidentally killing his wife with his chainsaw

Markus Miller, an Oklahoma ice cream man, opened fire on a customer after a summer ice cream sale degenerated into a heated argument. It is not a normal or legal thing, anywhere in the country to carry a handgun without a permit while selling ice cream, said Sgt Eric Holtzclaw, a spokesman with the Enid Police Department — via Die Puny Humans

Japanese parents have been given government permission to name their children Buttocks or Prostitute if they wish after a bizarre row over expanding the list of officially acceptable names

Two Britons, Gregory Graham and Kaye Chapman, were found guilty on Wednesday of an elaborate plot to smuggle cocaine into the country by surgically implanting packets of the drug inside two Labradors. The scum managed to murder one of the dogs when a packet burst in transit

Police in the Florida Keys are mystified by a bizarre new pastime, young people dangling themselves from meat hooks on a popular sandbar. For mystified, read can’t figure out what to charge them with yet, but their definitely up to something. Photos should be up soon on BMEzine

A Russian taxi driver got a rude shock when he discovered his blind ex-wife, who thought he had died in an explosion, had him buried in a Moscow cemetery. Oleg Lunkov learned of his apparent death when he applied for a passport and was told he died in a bomb blast on Moscow’s metro on February 6. His ex-wife thought he was on the train, but being blind, she got her mother to identify the remains — via Rogue Sun

A woman with the words HELP ME carved on her stomach was killed after she fell off the scooter she was driving on the 79th Street Causeway. The victim — Desiree Lee Campasano, 36, of Miami Beach — appeared to have lost control of her scooter, hit a curb and then fell off it and hit her head. She was not wearing a helmet. She died at the scene — via Die Puny Humans

An Oklahoma state judge, Donald Thompson, frequently masturbated and used a device for enhancing erections while his court was in session, charges a petition by the state’s Attorney General Drew Edmondson seeking his removal

A Japanese teenager was forced by his teacher to write an apology in blood after dozing in the classroom. The 40-year-old male teacher handed the boy a box-cutter and paper and told him to write an apology in blood. The teacher left the student, who then cut his finger and began to write an apology using his own blood

The decomposed body of a man dressed in pyjamas was discovered in an abandoned Tokyo apartment building 20 years after he is believed to have died. A Tokyo Metropolitan Police official said construction workers were preparing to tear down the building earlier this month when they found the man’s skeletal remains laying face-up on a mattress on the tatami reed mat floor of a second-floor room — via Rogue Sun

Armed police staking out a former nuclear bunker in Fife said they are now talking to a man hiding inside. Firearms officers and negotiators were called to Scotland’s Secret Bunker near Anstruther, which is now a Cold War museum. The man is understood to be Ronald MacDonald, a 39-year-old who had been living rough in the area — via Charlie Stross

A British robber who stole £115,000 in cash from a bank broke back in a week later to give most of it back. The thief got into the Barclays Bank in east London, smashed a window and helped himself to the cash in the ATM machine. A week later baffled staff called detectives to say the robber had returned £104,000