Weird

Thanks to the Kansas School Board, the idea that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster is really taking off. There’s a good guide to the cult at Wikipedia. The joke, of course, is that it’s arguably more rational than Intelligent Design — via Guardian Unlimited: Onlineblog

Had an interesting trip home on the train yesterday.

Few things annoy me more than wankers holding really loud conversations on their mobile phones, but yesterday’s moron at least managed entertainment value.

Not content with sharing his conversation with the top floor of the carriage, he headed down to the doorway where he could be properly heard by the entire carriage. In less than six seconds I’ve guessed that this guy is either a compulsive liar or the world’s dumbest undercover cop.

I once spent a rather enjoyable lunch hour with a compulsive liar. It helped that I had been forewarned ahead of time for the novelty aspect of watching a wingnut in full swing. Train Guy was much the same, but his insanity revolved around law enforcement instead of the music industry.

Train Guy was loudly whinging to Sarge that his nine month undercover drug operation had been screwed up by Constable Kay Campbell (who may or may not be two different people) and he now had to deal with a million dollar legal bill.

There were lots of drug references thrown in, a carefully spelled out Lebanese name and mention that the parents of the owner of said Lebanese name had been unwittingly driving about for a week with a large quantity of heroin hidden in the boot of their car.

It seems that the arrival of Constable Campbell (added to the mix at Sarge’s request against the loud protests of Train Guy) tipped the drug guys off and the heroin got flushed.

There were a couple of highlights to the phone conversation.

One being that Dumb Teenager, sitting a couple of seats in front of me, had a panic attack and departed the train early. He wasn’t much smarter than Train Guy, as he left in quite a fluster. He could have taken the exit at the other end of the carriage, but Dumb Teenager insisted on walking past Train Guy and yelling Fucking cops at the top of his voice from the platform.

The other gem was Train Guy trying to explain to Sarge that he’d had a tip off that just might bail his worthless arse out of this mess and it involved something going down at: the docks… You know, the wharves. Where the containers ships come in.

I’m really hoping he’s a compulsive liar, because I’d hate to think there were cops out there who were this mind-numbingly stupid.

German police are holding a woman suspected of manslaughter after the bodies of nine new-born babies were found buried in a garden. The 39-year-old woman is believed to be the mother of the children found in Brieskow-Finkenheerd, in Brandenburg state, near the border with Poland. The grim discovery of little bodies found buried in flower pots and buckets has shocked Germany. The bodies were discovered after someone clearing a garage at the site found human bones stored in a fish tank — via Warren Ellis

One minute, she was admiring the sea life in a huge glass tank at the Sydney Aquarium. Seconds later, Perth visitor Hazel Swinden was on her back, surrounded by sharks and fearing for her life. Mrs Swinden, 61, yesterday told the court of the dramatic moment in February 1997 when a 12,500-litre tank exploded as she stood in front of it, showering her with glass, saltwater and sharks. She claims she now suffers flashbacks and post traumatic stress disorder, and was forced to give up her job as a Myer sales assistant because of leg injuries she received from shattered glass. And yet I still feel more sympathy for the sharks — via Andrew

The former Canadian Coast Guard icebreaker Sir Humphrey Gilbert — now in private hands and docked at Clarenville, Newfoundland — is for sale through eBay. As of Friday afternoon, no would-be buyer had posted even the minimum starting bid of US$1 million, let alone the undisclosed reserve price. That is the price below which the seller, Dan Burry, won’t part with the 73-metre-long ship. Now called Polar Prince, the icebreaker has four eight-cylinder diesel engines, three cranes, accommodation for 52 people and a helicopter landing pad — via HogBlog

You know someone with a name like Ezekiel Rubottom is a person to watch. Described as a 21-year-old artist, occasional hip-hop emcee, and recovering methamphetamine addict, Mr Rubottom was born with a club foot. This summer, upon advice from his doctor, he had the foot amputated. But instead of letting the hospital dispose of the body part, he took it home and stuck it (along with a can of beer and a porcelain horse) in a bucket of formaldehyde on his front porch. When a neighbourhood kid told one of his parents about seeing the foot, they called the police, who in turn confiscated the foot pending an investigation. As it turns out, it’s perfectly legal to keep your own body parts, so the foot was returned to Mr Rubottom, who’s already planning on giving a couple toes to friends — via BoingBoing

Four adult Scout leaders from Alaska were killed at the National Scout Jamboree, held at Fort AP Hill near Richmond, Virginia, after a tent pole they were erecting came into contact with an overhead power line. Apparently they weren’t prepared — via The Cult of Father Darwin

New Smyrna Beach, Florida police are on the lookout for the naked tickler. Investigators said they believe one man could be responsible for a series of bizarre break-ins in which a naked man enters victims’ rooms while they are sleeping and tries to tickle their feet. The naked tickler struck again in New Smyrna Beach over the weekend. Investigators have been working on five similar, unsolved cases since 2001. Most of the victims are women over age 60, said police Commander Wade Kirby. Kirby said no arrests have yet been made because they don’t have a lot to go on — via Warren Ellis

New Castle County police arrested a former pediatric nurse Thursday night, saying she tried to poison her 22-month-old son by injecting human faeces into his bloodstream. Authorities said Stephanie McMullen, a former pediatric oncology nurse at Alfred I duPont Hospital for Children, is accused of deliberately injecting faecal matter into her son, her only child, causing him to be hospitalised numerous times — via Warren Ellis

A mob has fire-bombed the headquarters of a bizarre Malaysian cult built around a giant teapot. The attack comes two weeks after the sect was raided by religious officials. About 30 assailants armed with Molotov cocktails attacked the commune in the early morning. The blaze engulfed a car, burnt one building and scorched the giant teapot itself. The sect in Malaysia’s northeast believes the teapot has healing properties. Its leader, Ayah Pin, reportedly believes he is the boss of all religions and the owner of everything in his Sky Kingdom. State religious authorities have outlawed the teapot sect as a deviant cult — via Warren Ellis

A vampire has been arrested in Ukraine after luring street children into her home for their blood. Diana Semenuha, 29, believed that drinking blood could fend off a muscle-wasting condition. She kept the children intoxicated on drugs and alcohol and bled them regularly, selling the surplus to other black magic practitioners. When that weakened them, she dumped them back on the streets and lured replacements with the promise of a place to sleep and a hot meal. Detectives found seven drugged children strapped to beds and benches, and a large, black knife and silver goblet engraved with satanic symbols — via Warren Ellis

It sounds like something out of a Dan Brown novel (but is probably just a run of the mill jewel heist) — the Grand Lodge Officers Jewels are missing from the vault in the Mason’s Grand Lodge in San Francisco. The jewels are very nifty looking — via BoingBoing

A pair of suspected drug dealers were arrested after being caught with a rocket loaded with about $150,000 of methamphetamine in the trunk of their car. The suspects had rigged together a system that would pop open the car’s trunk and launch the drug-bearing rocket when they pushed the cigarette lighter on the dashboard — via Flex Your Rights

A teenage sleepwalker was rescued after being found fast asleep 40 metres up on the arm of a crane in London. Emergency services were called to a building site in London after a passer-by spotted the 15-year-old girl curled up on top of a concrete counterweight high above the ground. The teenager, who has not been named, had climbed up the crane and walked across a narrow metal beam while fast asleep

Utah woman, Karolyne Smith, has become the latest asset in online gambling outfit GoldenPalace.com’s eBay preposterous purchase portfolio after accepting $15,000 dollars to have the casino’s name permanently tattooed on her forehead. To its credit, the tattoo parlour which did the dirty deed — Si Tattooing in Salt Lake City — reportedly spent seven hours trying to talk her out of it. Well, sort of to its credit, because it went ahead and tattooed the silly woman anyway, but it’s the thought that counts