Resident Evil 4

As you may know, I play an awful lot of video games. In fact, it would be fair to describe me as a bearded recluse fueled by gin and classic Japanese console RPGs.

It is with this cultural authority behind me that I say to you: you need to get hold of a GameCube and play Resident Evil 4. I’m totally serious. A GameCube now costs less than a new PS2 or XBox game, so for under AUD$300 you could get yourself a console, a memory card, RE4 and a Pikmin game.

Instead of reading this you could be trading in some old games and playing Resident Evil 4 tonight (prior to my gig of course). Look at those gorgeous screenshots! You won’t regret it.

Update: Now that I’ve calmed down a bit, let me explain to you why I like RE4 so much. I quite liked Resident Evil 1 because of its mixture of puzzle-solving and zombie blasting, but tuned out after RE2 because of the following problems with the series:

  • Movement — it was difficult to turn around quickly to shoot zombies behind you
  • Inventory — a herb took up as much space as a shotgun, and items had to be stored in annoyingly situated bins
  • Reloading — required at least 5 keypresses (open inventory, select ammo, move to gun, choose combine, close inventory)
  • Saving — required a special item in short supply, so that you could never play a quick game after work for fear of using the save items up

Resident Evil 4 fixes all of these problems, thusly:

  • Movement — you can instantly do a 180° turn by pressing down + B
  • Inventory — now uses the packing puzzle system from X-Com… much better
  • Reloading — happens automatically if you pull the trigger when your gun is empty, or you can press B to reload while the gun is drawn
  • Saving — doesn’t require any items, and the savepoints are marked on the map

On top of that, RE4 retains the excellent puzzle and shooting elements from the earlier games, and adds in a much more interactive environment, spectacular graphics (in 60Hz widescreen) and surround sound.

You need it!

Update: The game is really so fabulous that the more I play it, the more I feel the need to praise its genius. Some interesting features that I haven’t mentioned yet include the following:

  • You can run by holding down the B button. The speed at which you run is determined by how much health you have left. If you are injured, the walking and running animations are different, and may include limping, clutching a chest wound etc.
  • The bad guys are spooky Lovecraftian villagers in Eastern Europe rather than zombies. They are equally at home stabbing you in the guts, strangling you, or clawing at your eyes in the vein of 28 Days Later.
  • All of the guns in the game can be upgraded in four stats: firepower, firing time, reloading time, ammo capacity. Some guns can be further upgraded with stocks and sights. Completing a sub-mission gives you a variant handgun that shoots through multiple bad guys at once.
  • The environment is highly interactive: if you climb up a ladder you can knock it down so that enemies cannot follow, and if you push furniture you can bar a door. Glass can be smashed, and you can leap out of windows. If you hear an enemy on the far side of a wooden door you can shoot through it (leaving big holes you can see through), or double tap the A button to kick it open and stun your foe.
  • When shot, enemies respond realistically. If holding a live grenade, they drop it. If on a cliff edge, they fall off. If hit with a shotgun, they are knocked back and fall over.
  • There’s a malamute in it! You find said dog caught in a bear trap, and if you free it it keeps cropping up throughout the game (e.g. in the farmyard, it happily chases chickens). It even helps out in a boss battle later on.
  • When you rescue Ashley (a prisoner of the evil bad guys), she tags along and the game then inherits most of the interesting mechanics from Ico (e.g. co-op puzzle solving with the two characters). There are also some great visual touches revealed as well — for example, if you swing the shotgun around and Ashley is betwixt you and the bad guys, her eyes widen and she hits the dirt.
  • The cutscenes are interesting and non-cheesy. And you can get killed in them if you’re not paying attention and ready to mash buttons : )
  • Your character’s head follows sudden movement, so fluttering crows and bats (in graveyards and caves, of course) can spook you into firing reflexively (and revealing your position to the bad guys).
  • There are some truly breathtaking set pieces: defending a wooden cabin from fifty attackers as the windows and doors are torn open, harpooning a giant lake monster, sniping from behind a crumbing fortification.
  • As you need to conserve your ammo, the game helpfully includes quick keys for both slashing your enemies with a bowie knife and for kicking the crap out of them.
  • Time passes during the game, so you have a day-night cycle that is exploited very effectively for scare value. At midnight the main illumination is the strobing flashes from your submachinegun, revealing stacatto glimpses of hands reaching for your face.
  • You get a lot of game for your money: it’s one of the few GCN games with two discs.

So is there anything wrong with this fine game? A few quibbles, but nothing major. Graphics-wise, I have spotted one instance of bad clipping (a little bit too much of an angry villager’s pitchfork poked through a shotgun hole in a wooden door). Control-wise, the game could use a dodge / strafe action (this would be more useful than the ‘look’ action bound to the C-stick). Mind you, the controls are comprehensive but undocumented, so there may be something that does this.

Have I convinced you yet? Get a second hand Game Cube, a small memory card, and a copy of RE4. It’ll be in the cheap Player’s Choice range around Xmas, I imagine.

Update: You can suplex the bad guys… it’s like Final Fight all over again : )

US Government Admits RFID Passports are Danger to Americans

A battle in the war against RFID beacons in US passports has been won. The State Department now admits that their previous RFID proposal would put Americans at risk and is now considering other options. That’s the good news. The bad news is that the State Department continues to blindly cling to the false promise of planting RFID chips in passports — via BoingBoing

BeOS Ready For Comeback As Zeta OS

BeOS, the operating system that could have been the foundation for Mac OS X, but almost died, instead has returned as Zeta OS — which is supposed to be fast, stable, media centric and boot within 15 seconds. Zeta is being released by yellowTAB of Germany and has applications such as an office suite and the Firefox browser bundled with it. Most BeOS applications will also run as-is. Screenshots are available — via Slashdot

Microsoft Seeks to Identify Phishing Scam Authors

Microsoft escalated its efforts to crack down on Internet fraud, announcing that it filed 117 civil lawsuits against unnamed individuals in federal district court in Seattle, hoping to learn the identities of those behind a rash of e-mail phishing scams identified over the past six months that specifically targeted customers of Microsoft’s MSN Internet and Hotmail e-mail services

WordPress Banned by Google for Spamming

WordPress, an incredibly popular Open Source Blogging system was found to be spamming Google by inserting hidden links to junk content on high paying Adsense keywords such as mesothelioma and debt consolidation. Following Threadwatch picking up the story an anonymous Google rep appeared in the original thread admonishing bloggers not to use sneaky tactics to rank highly for duplicate content such as the 100,000 hidden articles on the WordPress site. The articles have now dissapeared from Google and it remains to be seen whether Google will ban WordPress outright as they tend to do when SEO’s and web dev’s pull these kinds of stunts — via Slashdot

Hack Turns GIMP Into Photoshop Look-Alike

One of the many complaints about the GIMP is that of its user interface and how it should be more like Photoshop. If you feel that this is true then Scott Moschella has hacked together GimpShop which turns GIMP’s user interface into something more akin to Photoshop for OSX. However, if you’re not running that operating system, fret not, because there is are ports for Linux and Windows too — via Slashdot

Epic Gaming Marathon

On this Good Friday just passed, my Yankee mate Luke and I headed to our Aussie mate Nerida’s house to play videogames. Our packs were laden with gaming systems, controllers, and many, many discs and cartridges. We took a train to the crap side of the Harbour Bridge and a ute to our final destination.

Nerida’s house turned out to be a large rock with a TV antenna on top, a bit like Patrick’s house in the television programme SpongeBob Squarepants. We lifted up an edge and crawled inside. “It’s just like my place” said Luke, as he looked around the granite lounge room. Domestic animals peered at us warily from behind stacks of anime DVDs; storm clouds gathered. A purple plastic cube appeared in front of the TV. A rice cracker cracked ominously; a James Squire hissed as its cap was cruelly wrenched off.

We decided to ease into things with a shortish (15 turn) game of Mario Party 5 on the GameCube. As the name suggests, it’s a lightweight beer and pretzels affair; a collection of Mario-themed minigames. For the purposes of the Mario Party, I took the role of Toad the friendly mushroom, Nerida took Boo the spooky ghost, and Luke took Daisy, the… uh… perky princess. We decided that the CPU would take the role of the treasure-hungry Wario and began the game.

I took an early lead in the coin dept (leading to some muttering about the handicap screen from the peanut gallery), but soon fell behind as everyone else picked up stars. In a desperate attempt to get back into the running, I dueled Wario, wagering 50 of my coins for one of his stars. He quickly defeated me, took my money, and gained an impossible lead. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Of the human players, Luke fared best, trailing Wario by a handful of coins at the buzzer. Enjoyable minigames included
Mario Mechs (in which Luke and Nerida’s tiny mecha ganged up on and
lasered the crap out of my rampaging giant robot), Will Flower (in which my sunflower psychically bloomed first due to my 1337 A button pounding skillz), and Hotel Goomba (in which we brutally kicked small creatures around the lobby of the Mushroom Hilton for no apparent reason).

At this juncture my colleagues took a cigarette break while I hooked up the PS2 and tweaked its PSX driver settings.

Next up was a quick round of perennial favourite Worms World Party (PSX version). Due to the copious shelter afforded by their rocky domiciles, neither Nerida nor Luke had played Worms before. “Come on people!” I said, “It’s part of your rich cultural heritage! Get on board!” And get on board they did, with much shotgun blasting and cluster bombing and dynamiting and strategic prodding. Highlights included a CPU worm getting stuck in an infinite loop, Luke’s crazed blowtorching, Nerida dynamiting everyone simultaneously, and my inability to drive the jetpack.

After this spate of cartoon gaming, we were keen for a bit of fragging and fired up
Halo 2 on the XBox. Having recently moved into a rock house of my own, I had not yet played it and was keen to see whether it lived up to the hype. My first impressions were that it was not terribly different from any other FPS game, except that it had large maps with an excellent draw distance. Further play revealed some interesting nuances: really slick map design, a clever grenade implementation, a useful radar (could use some height info for the blips), strategic weapon management. Quite good fun, and I’d be keen to play an 8 or 16 player match at some point.

Cigarette break time again, and I played a few levels of Metal Slug Advance on the GBA while the others wheezed and hacked.

While the XBox was still hooked up, Luke snuck in a few levels of Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance II. The BG:DA games have always interested me from a technical perspective, as they look identical on all three of the current generation consoles
without sacrificing looks. They’re fun too, if you’re into top-down dungeon crawling. Anyway if you have a PS2 and you’re sick of XBox and GameCube owners poking fun at your system’s graphics, pick up one of these games and you’ll feel a bit better.

Enthused by the monster bashing theme, we plugged the PS2 back in and watched Luke play Final Fantasy X for a bit, back seat driving him in a boss fight and generally being annoying. I hadn’t played it in a while and had forgotten how gorgeous the graphics were and how annoying the voice acting was. Maybe I’ll give it a whirl again when I’m done with Phantasy Star I.

When the FFX cutscenes became too much to bear, we dined on gado gado and broke out the single malt whisky.

Since drink encourages foolishness, we took turns playing levels of PaRappa the Rappa 2. For those not familiar with it, it’s a rhythm game in which one takes the role of a paper-thin dog who is skilled at old school posi rapping (in the vein of the Sugarhill Gang). We chuckled at length at the game’s Nipponese surrealism, but after four or five levels the rhythms became too complex for boozy mortals and we threw in the mic.

At this juncture Luke produced a copy of Midway Arcade Treasures Volume 2. The treasures within — with the possible exception of Mortal Kombat — have not stood the test of time, really. Possibly this was because the games weren’t quite retro enough; 24-bit rather than 8- or 16-. It was interesting as a bit of history, but I think Volume 1 (with Paperboy etc) would be the better purchase.

Ranting interlude: Sony, where are the other two controller ports? Get out from under your rock house and get on board! Boo! End interlude.

Tiredness was setting in at this point, and there was time for but one more title. I had recently picked up Super Monkey Ball second hand, so we hooked up the GameCube for the last time and selected our simians. Nerida chose the cute baby chimp, I chose some sort of tweenaged girl money with a pink bow(?), and Luke picked a giant gorilla. Looking at the minigames screen we decided to go with the Monkey Racing Grand Prix first. This proved to be an enjoyable kart racer in which the ball-dwelling primates rolled around a gutter-like track, throwing fiendish bombs at each other (the most amusing of these being a device that turned an enemy monkey’s ball into an uncontrollable cube — hilarious at high speeds). My teenage years of compulsively playing Wipeout 2 led me to overall victory, despite my inability to keep my ape on the track on the final two courses. My colleagues were angered at my victory, and in the next game, Monkey Fight, they relentlessly pounded my monkey with their oversized boxing gloves. As Nerida gloated and capered, I rolled my battered and misshapen monkey ball in the direction of the animal hospital.

For our final monkey minigame, we played Monkey Target, in which the monkeys must glide from a great height towards an island target covered in bombs and mines. My monkey kept exploding, Nerida’s monkey kept drowning, and Luke’s giant gorilla finally tasted the sweet sweet banana of victory. We packed everything up, and wandered home, clutching our aching eyeballs and carpal tunnels.

And I didn’t have to use my AK. It was a good day.

Stolen Mobile Alert

A Dutch company has introduced a small downloadable program for mobile phones, called SimWatcher, which sends out an SMS message when someone steals a mobile phone and replaces the SIM card. The software reveals the number of the person who stole the phone and will also display a message on the stolen phone, saying that it belongs to someone else