Life is a Game

If you’re not a fan of Ikea stores and can’t escape being dragged around them by family members, maybe you’d enjoy it more if you treated it like a video game:

You start this world armed only with a UNIVERSAL FURNITURE-ASSEMBLY ALLEN WRENCH. This is the weakest weapon in IKEA: You will have to hit a person 16 times with it to kill them. So your primary goal in this level is to find more lethal means of dispatching your enemies.

As you enter the SHOWROOM, perform a rolling dodge to the left. Grab a free PAPER TAPE MEASURE and a handful of IKEA EMBLAZONED GOLF PENCILS from the kiosk near the entryway. The PENCILS serve quite well as ranged weapons, but it will take some time to master their use. Before venturing further in the world, stand at the kiosk and practice hurling GOLF PENCILS at patrons as they enter the SHOWROOM. Remember: Hitting the eyes does triple damage.

And if the idea of leaving the warm glow of your monitor is too much, Dolphin Dash is a seizure inducingly fast Japanese style Flash game. You will need vast amounts of caffeine in your system before attempting to play with the dolphins.